The Radical’s Guide to False Flags

In a perfect world, all of the racists in this country would be entirely upfront with their bigotry, but we all know that racism does not often take that form anymore.

Hey guys, sorry it’s taken me so long to type this up.

Honestly, it’s taken me about this long to finally crawl out of bed after the devastating news I received last week. Can you believe that this nation of hateful, bigoted, sexist, racists actually had the audacity to elect such a hateful, bigoted, sexist, racist monster to the office of president?

I’ve been saying it for awhile: America is the worst.

But there is still something we can all do to show our love for each other, while at the same time really sending a message to the fascists that we hate everything they stand for.

That’s why my boss asked me to type this handy guide up for you so that we could all take part in showing America how racist it has become.


In a perfect world, all of the racists in this country would be entirely upfront with their bigotry, but we all know that racism does not often take that form anymore.

These days, intolerance is much harder to see, so here are some tips for bringing it to light. I may suggest some things in here that sound like I’m asking you to lie, but that can’t be the case. If America is racist enough to elect a man like Donald “Hitler” Drumpf, then obviously these feelings must exist, and by providing people with clear examples of it, we can create a dialogue that will allow the average person to spot hate much more quickly.



The easiest example to create is the “Window Note”

This one is easy. What I like to do is sit in my car in the parking lot of a Walmart. If you’ve never been to a Walmart, they’re easy to find by traveling approximately 30 minutes by car outside of the city in which you live. I should mention now that this technique only works if you have a car, sorry to all of you folks that take public transit or fixed-gear bikes. You are definitely saving the environment, but you will have to pick another way to save America from itself.

Once you are in the Walmart parking lot, what I like to do is pick a random person either entering or exiting the building itself. Pick someone that you feel on a gut level would dislike immensely. Easiest to just pick someone who is white.

1d65463ad1b34f9e85431882c5fa73a4Next, imagine having a conversation with that person where they would tell you everything that they truly feel when they look at you.

If you are a person of colour, they most likely hate you, this is just a fact. White privilege is so ingrained into AmeriKKKa that it can be said that any white person would be much happier sending all visual minorities to internment camps under their new fascist leader. Trump has finally given these people a chance to act out their racist fantasies and it is your job to write them down.

Try using things like “Now that Trump is president, we’re going to send you all back where you came from”, “It’s open season on you now!”, or even “You are not allowed in White America anymore”.

These are just some basic ideas to get the ball rolling, so feel free to ad-lib from there using any combination of the basic premise “get out” combined with a hateful epithet that applies to your personal identity.

Seal the deal with some swastikas and “Trump 2016!”s, making sure to spell incorrectly, as the kind of people who would write something like this are probably very uneducated, I mean, they voted for Drumpf after all. In fact, they are probably so dumb that they wouldn’t even be able to draw a swastika correctly, so make sure that you draw them with this in mind. It’s the little things that are really going to sell this as believable. This ain’t your grade school’s bathroom stall, this is the real (false flag) deal.The next one you need to master is “The Chalkening”.

rw7mhqlFinally, post a picture of this note to social media, making sure to say that you found the note on your car after finishing at the gym. Be sure that you don’t mention Walmart!

Note: Do not report the incident to the police, as their investigation might lead to some awkward questions, instead just make sure everyone on Facebook knows exactly what is in store for people like you in “Trump’s America”.

The next one you need to master is “The Chalkening”.

You may remember this from when Trumpkins graffitied their white supremacist hate speech all over the country’s campuses in simple sidewalk chalk with horrible phrases like “TRUMP 2016” and “BUILD THE WALL”.

This is great because we now have a history of Trumpian behavior and you can purchase the supplies we need at your local dollar store. All you have to do is chalk a Nazi Logo on your driveway, take a picture, and post it to Facebook along with a hysterical note about how we better get used to our neighbours chalking our driveways. You think that white couple that mows your lawn on Sundays are actually good people? Think again. This is Trump’s America now. No minority is safe from driveway-Swastikas.


Bonus: If you are a Muslim woman

Who chooses to wear an empowering hijab, simply imagine yourself being approached by the average Trump voter, and tell the story of what they would have to say to you just for being a proud Muslim.

Here would be a good place to mention how this person ripped the hijab off of your head and said something along the lines of “this doesn’t belong here anymore”

Honestly, it is just a matter of time before this actually happens to you, as we all know that Muslims are the very first group of people set to be exterminated by the jackbooted thugs Trump plans to have carried out his fascist agenda. It happened with Hitler, and it will happen with Trump too, mark my words.

By getting ahead of the story in this way, and posting it to social media, you can raise awareness of the violence that is no doubt being visited upon people like you by Trump supporters all across the country.

Sure, it didn’t actually happen to you, but you could be saving lives by starting that dialogue, so important.


Chester works behind the scenes for ProudBoy and occasionally writes. His opinions are not necessarily representative of ProudBoy Magazine.


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