Make USPS Great Again (It’s Shit)

The United States Postal Service is shit. Utter shit. Somehow we’ve gone backwards. There was a time when the USPS was reliable. Sure, it was run by people on...

The United States Postal Service is shit. Utter shit.

Somehow we’ve gone backwards. There was a time when the USPS was reliable. Sure, it was run by people on horseback and took months to arrive, but at least those horsemen would find you and deliver your parcel.

Not anymore, I’m afraid.



People have been saying that the USPS will be going out of business soon ever since email was invented. Oh, how I wish that were true — but lo and behold, those dumb cunts are still around.

So it’s an average day in the American neighborhood: whites are being called racist slave-owners, and blacks are being shot by every cop in the street for “no reason.”

Here I am, waiting on my package.

It’s been two days past its due-date and the online tracking says it’s been delivered. Hey, online tracking — I’ve been home the last two fucking days waiting on my MAGA hats and Proud Boy koozies to arrive, and I’m still empty-handed. I decide to go to the post office to see what their down syndrome–worthy malfunction is, only to be met with a huge line with Gean, the gay window worker having what looks like a great conversation with Ms. Chatty Cathy.

When It’s finally my turn and I inquire about my packages, it turns out they don’t even bother to deliver to the apartment anymore. They just flat out told me they don’t do their job anymore and they expect me to do it for them.

“A year ago, I was waiting for a package, and after expected delivery I checked tracking. It said delivered. I was startled by this and clicked on the signature image. Someone wrote my name. I was like, “wtf.” I decided to check my mailbox — the package was there. The only person able access that mailbox was the mailman — my roommates weren’t home. I Googled it and found countless similar stories. Apparently, they do that to be lazy and avoid the whole ringing doorbell and waiting. I was very upset because I don’t like people forging my signature. I also wasted time sitting and waiting for delivery window.”
— Martina Markota

What I don’t understand is how the employees who are at the window are both friendly and helpful (maybe a bit too talkative) and the ones who we rely on and deliver the packages are complete shit.

So besides not even delivering your package and ensuring that you actually get it (which is their fucking job) they make you pick up your own package, and forge your signature when those fucking cucks are too lazy to deliver it. It has gotten so bad that a @uspsreform account on Twitter now exists.

Just try to get a package that was supposed to be delivered to your apartment, labelled ‘Gay Retard’ or ‘Queer Faggot’, and it’s fucking impossible since they require a photo ID. Inconsiderate pricks. We’ve got to make this shit great again – and yes, I realise I don’t offer any solution in here.


Hunter Alden is an IT student at Minnesota State University, works as technical support for a local telecomm company, and a former Knight of Sigma Nu. He wasn’t always conservative, in fact he was pretty neutral until he started to notice the Cucking of Canada, and the downfall of Europe and swore to do his part to not let it happen to America.
Hunter was kicked out of his fraternity for missing meetings for his National Guard drill and work, and for challenging the fraternity president about free speech; also nick-naming him Kim Jon Un. Nolan, if you’re reading this, fuck you I’m in a magazine. Despite this, he still hangs out with the Sigma Nu guys and continually tries to recruit them to the Proud Boys.


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